This morning, at a post office in St. Louis County, a frustrated and angry outburst from a customer reminded me yet again of the role we can often play in guiding and guarding our own emotional health. About 10 people with post office needs had dutifully pulled their numbers and were waiting to be called to the counter to send important packages and purchase thrilling mailing necessities. The postal workers were making progress…
”Number 42–How can I help you?”
“Number 43–How can I help you?”
Then, in, and right up to the counter, walked a woman with a dog–a cute, spunky and excited “miniature” pooch, connected to an itty bitty flexible leash and wearing an official, orange “Service Dog” vest. This struck me (and perhaps others clustered in the post office) as unique. Most service dogs I have encountered have been larger breeds: labs, shepherds, or golden retrievers. And these service canines have been mellow and focused, seemingly unaware of any humans other than the one holding the leash (quite unlike the pooch currently in our midst). My first thought was, “Well, maybe this service dog helps in ‘non-traditional’ ways, like with kids, or with seniors, or with emotional issues. Interesting.” My second thought was, “Hmm…I wonder if you could buy a “Service” vest for any dog. I bet my dogs would love to accompany me when I go shopping or run errands inside ‘No Pets Allowed’ sites.” But then, I went back to “no judgment” zone and landed on, “Okay. Whatever. I’m sure it’s legit. Awesome…Is my number up soon?” Unfortunately, at this moment, one of the postal workers noticed the dog (and not the service vest) and following regulations, addressed the dog-porting woman, “Miss, dogs are not allowed inside the post office.” And this was the moment when the emotionally painful path was taken and another possible course was overlooked.
“Can you read?!!” retorted the customer with the dog.
“Excuse me?” says confused post office worker.
“Can’t you see this is a service dog? Can’t you even read?!”
And the argument escalated. The manager was called over and the customer expounded on how sick she was of being told that her service dog was not allowed inside, how so many people did not notice the official vest. And despite postal service worker and manager explanations about not really seeing the vest (or really much of the dog either, due to its diminutive stature), the customer remained consumed by her feelings of anger and outrage. And when her post office business ended, it is likely that her pain lingered (perhaps along with that of the postal employee and manager, as receivers of the customer’s tirade).
While throughout the emotional explosion all the waiting customers (myself included) demonstrated the typical “Look down and pretend you don’t hear the argument…la…la…la….nothing happening here….” behavior, I was also thinking about the feelings of both the customer and postal worker. I was contemplating what could have helped the whole event transpire differently, and thus result in a lower level of emotional pain. I landed on the answer of “Mindfulness.”
“Mindfulness” is a hot term these days. But what does it mean, and how can it help us? Basically, the essence of Mindfulness is being present in the current moment, paying attention to, yet not judging, what is happening inside yourself and outside. Mindful attention allows you to notice your thoughts and feelings, but not always become wrapped up in them, encumbered by them, devoured by them. When you sense upsetting thoughts and feelings, you identify them, give them a nod, and perhaps even a “Thank You.” Then you breathe deeply, and move on effectively. A Mindful post office episode could have happened in this manner:
“Miss, dogs are not allowed inside the post office,” states the employee.
“Wow, I have an angry feeling now because this always happens. My mind is telling me that it’s just not fair. And I am also wishing that more workers would notice the service vest,” the customer notices internally. “But, this is a service dog,” the customer responds.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t see the service vest,” worker says. “How can I help you?”
Less Pain, less Anxiety, more Mindfulness, more Effectiveness.
Now, this is presenting Mindfulness as a quick choice, an easy solution. However, while Mindfulness sounds simple, it really takes work. Learning to focus, breathe, and increase our awareness are not strategies that most of us grew up with. Moving to Mindfulness can seem overwhelming. However, there are many resources now to help us on this journey. Mindfulness books, lectures and workshops abound. And a simple online search will supply numerous (and often no-charge) tips. Read. Practice. Read. Practice. And enjoy a higher sense of peace and lower level of pain (and not just at the post office).
Byline: Chris Corrigan Mendez is ad agency veteran, a M.Ed. in Community Counseling, and a recent mover toward Mindfulness. www.ccmcounseling.vpweb.com.
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