Well, here we are again. It’s the start of a new year, and that “Big R” thought, “Resolutions” has bounded out of our minds’ shadows and into our consciousness. This “R” entity often carries with it visions of gritting our teeth, clenching our fists, and just doing all sorts of things that we would rather not. We view resolutions as ways to improve ourselves, which implies that we are not “good enough” as we are. We label ourselves as “just flabby,” so our resolution is to “work out.” We believe we are “completely disorganized,” so our resolution is to purge all items we do not need and stack the rest in a precise manner (in perfectly labeled containers). Or we call ourselves “procrastinators,” so darn it, we resolve to input all tasks on our smartphone calendars this year, and get them done immediately upon the chimes of the reminder alerts.
And while sternly committing our minds and bodies to this resolution mission, another thought often begins to manifest, one of unfriendly self-doubt. We wonder if we will really succeed. After all, haven’t we tried all this before? And aren’t we back to where we started? We wonder if we can change for good this time.
So to review…we label ourselves negatively, identify actions we HAVE TO complete to change from what we don’t want to be, and don’t really believe we can pull it off. It seems tough for resolution success to result from this starting point!
But perhaps an answer to this resolution problem can be found. Let’s consider another approach, another beginning, through the use of another “R” word: “Reframing.” Reframing is a cognitive strategy often used in professional counseling—a process in which we identify our automatic thoughts or irrational beliefs and consider how they can be viewed differently (in a new “frame”). By purposefully considering new and more realistic ways to think about situations, our feelings and actions may then also move to more positive and productive places. So maybe we can shift resolutions from unwanted actions that we have to do to fix our inadequate selves to behaviors that we want to do, that we deserve to do, to grow our competent and worthy selves.
Let’s give it a try with “just flabby” and the resolution to “work out.” Instead of looking in the mirror and giving ourselves a negative label with the resulting dreaded work out resolution, perhaps we can instead ask some questions that will lead us to a different way of thinking. “What do our bodies give us?” “What is already strong?” “What more could our bodies do for us this year?” Our answers to these questions may help us start to view our physical selves as already valuable and deserving. And this thinking shift may then also alter our view of exercise. Time in the gym, walking with friends, or engaging in physical activities that we enjoy could be considered “gifts” to ourselves, so we can physically be the best we can be.
And are we really completely “disorganized,” or “procrastinators?” Perhaps something is already working in our current ways of organizing and doing projects. What credit can we give ourselves and how can we build on that vs. thinking of it as complete change, as movement away from a negative personal trait? Reframe. Reframe.
I say, “Cheers” to Reframing! And I recommend giving this process a try. Reconsidering our initial negative (and often not accurate) thoughts about ourselves can give us a chance to start from a new place, gain a more positive outlook, and give those 2014 resolutions a real chance to succeed.
corriganmendezmusings 